Thursday, April 21, 2011

Fashion Police

Every Tuesday and Thursday morning I sit on the same bench in the same hallway at the same time patiently awaiting my Shakespeare class to start. And on these days I often find myself watching the students and professors that walk by on their ways to class. As a consequence of my people watching fascination I often find myself noticing what people are wearing, not surprising, I'm sure. Oh the fashion I witness on this lovely campus, I must preface by saying it's not ALL bad, but let's be honest what my fellow co-eds have in brains they lack for in FASHION sense. So, as a new part of this blog each week I'll be picking one of the many people I witness wandering this hallway alone and tell you about their outfit and why their choice was a bad one. If I'm sneaky perhaps I'll be able to post pictures of the fashion violation. No promises, though.
So, who's this weeks victim? Well, she's a repeat offender with bad hair, horrid shoes and a lumpy look that isn't camouflaged well by her fashion choices. I'm not sure of her name but I am sure she's a professor, I'll endeavor to find her name so those of you who also attend this campus can check out fashion faux pas. I'm sure she's a fabulous professor but if you're going to be standing in front of groups of students everyday. How can you feel confident in your abilities when you look that bad?!
 However, I've failed to tell you about why she's being 'ticketed.' Let's talk about her outfit.
Hair- poofy, dark brown on top, yellowy orange on the bottom. I'll buy her some hairdye. There's nothing worse than two toned hair.
Outfit- Generally a large lumpy black sweater that makes her look bulky. Even on the nice days when it's gorgeous outside she has a different black sweater for each day. And always, always, always, a long polyester skirt that does nothing for the bottom half of her body. Generally about mid calf length in a hideous pattern in strange colors. Despite the fact that her skirt is generally rather long she is ALWAYS wearing black tights and black boots. God forbid she show some skin. I'm surprised she doesn't wear gloves and a ski mask as well. A little skin and less black would really brighten up the woman's wardrobe and probably her life as well.
And that's this weeks fashion criminal. Stay stylish my fellow fashionistas. Until next time.


Thursday, April 14, 2011

April showers bring 1970's flowers

As we usher in the beautiful weather and delightfully warm, rainy nights we also usher in new fashion trends. Looks like the fashion cycle has brought back the 1970's. I have to admit I'm going to go against the fashion Gods with this trend. I just can't understand the need to bring back the 1970's. Can't we just let it rest in peace with Janis Joplin, Jimi Hendrix, and Jim Morrison.
Yes, I'll admit it, the '70's were a liberating time for us fabulous females but honestly, it's 2011 we're liberated, we can wear what we please so why oh why must we bring back these trends? However, as always I feel the need to share the ugly side of fashion with you. So here we go with the 1970's trends to try. Hopefully after a few unsuccessful trips to the dressing room to try on these trends you'll see my point.
TREND 1: HOT PANTS
Okay, let's face it, the younger you are the shorter your shorts can be. However, in the '70's every woman and some men, from the looks of it, did the hot pants trend. Not sure 
of what I mean by hot pants? Well my friends, I'm talking about those legitimately short shorts, the ones your mother would be appalled if you left the house in them? Except, in the '70's they were high waisted and SHORT. Apparently, the higher fashion powers want to see more leg this season.
TREND 2: FLARE PANTS
Strangely enough, the next trend definitely lacks sex appeal. I'm talking about those pants that have a HUGE flare to them. The pants will definitely be the star of the show so if you're going to try this particular trend pair it with a simple top, a fitted tshirt or tank top, tucked in with a skinny belt to modernize the trend.
TREND 3: MAXI DRESSES
Okay, I'll give the '70's this, J'adore sheer maxi dresses. There's a certain air of romance that accompanies this particular trend. The soft sway of the skirt around your ankles, the light material, the vibrant colors. Everything about it makes me want to lay on the grass and watch the clouds float by on a sunday afternoon. The other fabulous trait of this particular trend is, just about anyone no matter your shape or size can wear this trend without fear. Its definitely one of the more flattering trends that are being resurrected this season.


ACCESSORIES:
Not only am I a slave to fashion but I am an accessory hound, to say the least. I'm completely obsessed with accessorizing. There's something about those long beaded earrings, with that flower embossed belt, and wide brim straw hat that really pulls any of the '70's revival looks together.

All in all I'm not loving the '70's revival as much as my fellow fashion superstars but I will give the this, some of these trends can be adorable if done properly.
READ CAREFULLY:  I am NOT encouraging you to borrow your mother's tiger print jumpsuit and platform clogs. Don't do it. You know who you are, as do I. I will hunt you down and burn your jumpsuit. Sorry, dahhhhliinghk. Ta Ta for now.